fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
