im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
