So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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