if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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