i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
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do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
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Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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