i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
