Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
