my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
don't judge my taste in strippers
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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