I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
