Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
