I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
