Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
