its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
3pm strippers are depressing
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
