I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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