i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
