if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
