yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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