I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
