I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
