dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
