Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
