so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
