lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
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So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
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I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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