we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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