i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
