She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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