I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
