Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
