i just wanna soil my oats bro
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
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I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
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Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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