Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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