ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
