I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
