dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
