Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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