When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
