I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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