May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
