I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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