Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
