idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
