If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
