i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
