woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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