He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
