that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
