i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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