i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
