remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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