So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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