i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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