I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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