if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
