i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
