He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
