her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I need to sanitize my soul.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
