i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
