dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
