we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
