and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
