He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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