i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
