im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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