Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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