Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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