I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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