I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize