I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
