Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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