Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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