i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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