I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
