Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
