Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
