Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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