dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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