meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
