I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
