the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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